PIADAS ENGRAÇADAS

 

Piadas do Dia. = 68\2011

No motel

 

O rapaz leva a namorada para o motel. Chegando lá, ela tira a roupa, deita-se na cama, abre as pernas e sussurra com voz lânguida:
- Vem, me faz sentir mulher!
O rapaz tira as roupas, joga-as em cima da moça e diz:

- Toma, lava!

Charada de carro

 

Qual é o nome do carro que mostra que vai chover?

R: Cel ta Preto



História da Libertadores

 

Libertadores !!!

Era o início da década de 60, quando se deu este interessante episódio :

O Presidente do Santos marca uma reunião com Deus.
Chegando lá, ele pergunta:
- Senhor Deus, eu gostaria de saber se o Santos será Campeão da
Libertadores ?
Deus consulta seu livro - flap, flap flap (páginas do livro de Deus)
- e diz:
- Sim, o Santos será Campeão da Libertadores, ainda na sua gestão. E duas
vezes...

O Presidente do São Paulo, curioso, também marca uma reunião com Deus:
- Senhor Deus, e o São Paulo, será Campeão da Libertadores ?
Deus consulta seu livro - flap, flap, flap, flap, - e diz:
- Será sim, o São Paulo será Campeão da Libertadores várias vezes,
mas não na sua gestão.

O Presidente do Flamengo também marca uma reunião com Deus.
- Senhor Deus, e o Flamengo, será Campeão da Libertadores ?
Deus consulta seu livro - flap,flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,flap, flap - e diz:
- Será sim, o Flamengo será Campeão da Libertadores, mas não na sua
gestão, nem na do próximo presidente.

O Presidente do Palmeiras também marca uma reunião com Deus.
- Senhor Deus, e o Verdão, será Campeão da Libertadores ?
Deus consulta seu livro - flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap - e diz:
- Será sim, o Palmeiras será Campeão da Libertadores, mas não na sua
gestão, nem na do próximo presidente.

O Presidente do Corinthians também marca a tal reunião com Deus.
- E o Coringão, será Campeão da Libertadores ?
Deus consulta seu livro e ... - flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap

e Deus pensa: 'eita que não acaba...' e tome flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap

e Deus disse: - ACHEI! Ah não, é engano. - e continua... flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, , flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap

- Achei !!! - grita Deus - Está aqui. É em 2210.
- Não, não. Desculpe-me. Aqui é o corinthians de alagoas que
conquista a libertadores. - e prosseguiu ... flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap

São Jorge que acompanhava de perto, já extremamente irritado, pegou o
livro das mãos do todo poderoso e continuou ... flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, , flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap

E Deus retomou a procura... flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, , flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap

- Não achei. Peraí que vou consultar em outros Planetas - e tome
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, , flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap

O presidente do corinthians empolgado e incentivando Deus, comenta -
NÃO PÁRA! NÃO PÁRA! NÃO PÁRA!... flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap

E Deus finaliza... - Será sim, o Corinthians será Campeão da
Libertadores, mas não na MINHA gestão !!!


Brasileiro no bar Frances

 

Um brasileiro chega num bar frances e faz seu pedido.
Mas o pedido demora muito. Ele entao resolveu ir no gerente do bar reclamar!!
- Esses funcionários daqui são todos incompetentes...
O gerente so balança a cabeça positivamente.
- A mesa ta toda suja e ninguem limpa...
Novamente o gerente so balança a cabeça
- Porque voce concorda em tudo comigo?
- É porque o Brasil é fregues, e fregues tem sempre razão!!!!


Dona Rut

 

A dona Rut morreu e foi pro céu. Ao chegar lá foi falar com o
São Pedro. Ai ela chegou na sala dele e viu um monte de relógios pendurados e perguntou por que tantos relógios, e ele:
-ah ele funciona assim: cada vez que uma pessoa pregar uma mentira o relogio anda um traçinho.
Dona Rut, olhou para um dos relogios que só tinha dois tracinhos andados toda empolgada perguntou:
-Nossa de quem é aquele ali?
 E São Pedro respondeu:
-Aquele ali é do Bill Clinton.
olhou para outro relógio que não havia nenhum tracinho andado perguntou novamente de quem era e São Pedro resondeu que era de uma pessoa nao muito conhecida na terra:joão batista cardoso.
Curiosa pergunou:
-e o do FHC, meu marido?
e ele respondeu:

-ah o relógio dele tá na minha sala servindo de ventilador.


Paraense 

 

Em um certo dia um paraense é chamado para um entrevista de emprego.
E na entrevista de emprego o homem que esta lhe entrevistando fala:
-tu hablas enpanhol?
e o paraense diz:

-não eu só habro cofre!!!!


JESUS VAI TE CASTIGAR 

 

UM LADRÃO MUITO ESPERTO, RESOLVEU ROUBAR UMA NOITE
QUE NÃO TINHA MAIS NADA PRA FAZER...
VIU QUE NÃO TINHA NINGUÉM EM CASA MESMO, E FOI
ENTRANDO.
DEU UM PASSO E OUVIU UMA VOZ:
-JESUS TÁ TE OLHANDO!
DEU OUTRO PASSO:
-JESUS VAI TE CASTIGAR...
DEU OUTRO PASSO...
-AINDA TEM TEMPO DE TU TE ARREPENDER!
PENSOU QUE FOSSE UMA VOZ DIVINA E DEU OUTRO
PASSO:
- JESUS NÃO VAI TE PERDOAR!
O LADRÃO DEU MAIS UM PASSO E ENCHERGOU ATRÁS
DO ARMÁRIO UM PAPAGAIO.
- AH! É TU PAPAGAIO FIÁ DA PUTA. COMO É TEU NOME
CHÊ?
-AH! MEU NOME É FERRERINHA.
-AH! QUE ENGRAÇADO, EU NUNCA VI UM PAPAGAIO COM
O NOME DE FERREIRINHA!

-NÃO, ENGRAÇADO É UM PITIBUL COM O NOME DE JESUS!